That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
