Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Randomize
