Tell her she can't have a vagina
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
