cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
