Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
