party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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