Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
