Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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