Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
