Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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