No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
