I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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