I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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