Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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