the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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