His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
