I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
