Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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