Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
