you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The power of my boobs compel you
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
