So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
