When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
50% drunk capacity currently
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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