just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
