Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
