addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
