She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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