I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
