member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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