i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
