We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
