How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
