Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
