Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
