in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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