Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
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Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
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OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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