I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize