your parents love me but you hate me
Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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