sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
