I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Randomize
