so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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