we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
