"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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