Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
