sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
