I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
