I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Randomize
