Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
