Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize