I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
