Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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