sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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