I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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