; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
