is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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