i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
