You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Randomize
