i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
