omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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