i already hear my dad disowning me
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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