So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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